I know I was difficult, but do I not give my parents nachas?
In Mrs. Radcliffe’s article, The Inner Enemy, she writes that “we must challenge our inner critic’s comments” and “fight negativity.” I’d like to respectfully offer a very different approach, one of compassion and healing instead.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) sees extreme thoughts or feelings as responses to inner wounds. When emotional wounding from the past remains unhealed, it often takes much vigilance and energy to change patterns because a person remains very vulnerable and easily triggered.
Instead of viewing wounded parts as the “inner enemy” to be challenged, I encourage you to see them as “inner trailheads,” or starting points for your inner work. Be curious about who the thought or feeling is protecting, and what it needs from you to begin healing. When you work to meet that need with compassion, instead of fighting the thought or feeling, you begin to address the cause, not just the response.
Elyan Rosenbaum, LMHC, NCC
I’ve really been enjoying Tzippi Leibenson’s account of raising a child with ASD.
Create a free account to keep reading.
