“In order to honor ourselves, we must understand that our parents' limitations weren’t our fault”
Bless you! You broke the taboo that often prevents children from speaking about their parents’ emotional handicaps. In the article “Making Peace with My Mother,” Zahava Gold says, “She simply didn’t have the emotional capacity to nurture us.” This is such a powerful statement. It’s so very important for people to know that many parents lack the capacity to nurture. A full 100 percent of children blame themselves for their parents’ inability to nurture them. It may need years of therapy to overcome the damage that this belief causes and to stop blaming themselves.
We’ve been taught that honoring parents means not seeing anything wrong with them. This leaves victims of neglect and abuse shunned, silenced, and shamed. Such articles help adult children to simply admit that, for whatever reasons, our parents were unable to nurture us emotionally, even if they did provide food and clothing.
In order to honor parents who were unable to love, we must recognize that many of them had limitations that prevented them from giving their children the message, “You’re seen, safe, secure, and valued by me as you are.” They may have had addictions or suffered from depression, anxiety, BPD, NPD, or other afflictions that kept them in a self-absorbed bubble that their children couldn’t penetrate.
In order to honor ourselves, we must understand that their limitations weren’t our fault.
Create a free account to keep reading.
