“There was the first family who took a singer with a one-man band. There has to be a first who stops this insanity, too!”
These stories about the damage incurred as a result of both lashon hara and rechilus hit so close to home. Reputations can be destroyed so easily, as shown through the story of a woman whose engagement was broken off when someone told her chassan about a period when she had been mechallel Shabbos, which she had since done teshuvah for.
As a parent of a struggling teen, I have seen firsthand the pain and betrayal as a result of rechilus. Many times, people assume that if someone’s level of tzniyus is not up to par, or their behavior is not that of a yeshivah bochur or Bais Yaakov girl, it is a mitzvah to let others know to stay away from these individuals or ignore them. This causes pain to both them and their families. True, you don’t need to “hang out” with those individuals, but don’t patronize them. Don’t ignore them. They are in pain, whether they know it or not. And someone’s lack of standards doesn’t give you a free pass to say whatever you want. This lashon hara and rechilus adds fuel to a burning fire.
In the “Al Cheit” on Yom Kippur, we say dibarnu dofi. Dofi can be translated as two mouths. The one where someone says bad things about an individual AND then pretends to speak to the individual or their family as if “everything is all right” and we’re friends. Well, it isn’t all right. That is not the way friends or even acquaintances should behave.
Thank you for letting us see the damage a few words could cause.
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