Fuzzy Math

I asked a number of colleagues and friends for their thoughts and feelings about the murkiness associated with frum finances. Here is one anonymous response from a stay-at-home mom:

A few years ago, I reached out to a woman I felt close to who was 20 years older than me and whose family very much fit the chinuch-type family profile. I asked her, “How do the finances work? How do you make weddings?” She said it’s hard, they struggle, and Hashem always helps out. That response made the topic even more mystifying to me!

The mystery surrounding Orthonomics is one that many people wonder about but do not candidly discuss, due to the private nature of personal finances, and the very real role of siyata d’Shmaya when it comes to our bank accounts. However, it is obvious to anyone living in our communities that the more the issue is shrouded in mystery, with “Hashem helps” provided as a pat solution to paying the well over $100,000 needed to marry off a few children, let alone send them to study in Israel for a year, the more disheartened people become as they look around the community, with its ever-rising standards, and wonder what crash course in frum survival they missed.

People are not only mystified, they’re also frustrated. They have no idea how they’re meant to swing it without trust funds or parental support, because those are the common reasons for why people who are not in lucrative careers still seem to be managing fine. People are struggling to make it to the end of the month and feel constantly pressured by rising communal standards everywhere they turn, even as they’re trying to turn their heads away. Everything in the community — from the cars others are driving, the houses they’re knocking down, the kiddushim their friends are making and the clothes they buy — reminds them of what they must be doing wrong when it comes to frum finances.