Help Yourself

Help Yourself

Sarah Rivkah Kohn

Too often, we see someone struggling with their mental health, and we want to assist them in getting the help they need, but they turn us down. “I’m not going to a therapist,” they tell us

But they really need help.

One of the most painful forms of suffering is watching someone you love in pain and not being able to do anything about it. In many cases you can only daven that they get the clarity to do what’s best for them.

However, here are a few ideas worth trying:

If this is your child:

1. If the child is resistant, the best thing is to let it go. Forced therapy is ineffective therapy. It also creates adults who will absolutely never go to therapy because of their negative associations.
2. Engage in your own therapy. In many cases, especially with young children, if the parent seeks help, they can shake up the patterns of behavior.
3. Find an opening. The child may not want to see a therapist to deal with his OCD, but he may be a very willing participant if you address something bothering him. For instance, if there’s an “annoying sibling” and you can say, “It’s really hard to live with someone who’s always getting mad at you — let’s find a therapist who can help with that.” Now that’s a whole ’nother story….
4. Whatever you do, never tell a child during a meltdown, “You know what you need?! Therapy!” You can be sure they’ll stay far away, as going will be seen as an admission that something is “wrong” with them. Who wants to feel defective?

If this is your sibling or spouse:

Lots of the above still applies, especially the part about doing your own work. Think of a dance circle. One person begins to change the moves and one of three things happens: