Holding Down the Fort

Sara and her husband are able to pick the exact dates when he leaves. “If he leaves on a Wednesday and comes back the next Thursday, it feels like two full weeks, because we’re already preparing for him to leave earlier in the week.” Instead, they’re careful that he leaves early in the week and returns halfway through the next week, which makes it feel like less emotionally.

She also makes sure to treat her kids and herself. “He eats healthier than most of us, so we’ll eat some foods that he doesn’t usually eat. It’s a nice little consolation.”

Elisheva remembers asking an experienced friend for guidance when she first started out. “I was like, ‘Wow, I feel like I’m buying them treats at the makolet every day.’ And she said, ‘Yeah, that’s okay. You’re not spoiling them. Their father isn’t home, and that’s hard for them. And if you need to give them a little something extra in the morning, a little bribery, then that’s fine. You need to do this for them.’ It felt as though she was giving me permission to treat them.”

Shoshana’s husband is careful to travel during the week and be home for Shabbos. He’s also adamant that he calls the children every evening before bed, usually on a video call. “He’s makpid to tell my son a bedtime story when he’s here, so he tries to make a point, if the timing works, to tell him one over the phone when he’s away. We have that constant connection with him, even when he’s away.”