Hashing out an argument— while irritating— can actually strengthen your bond
Abby Delouya BA, BEd, RMFT-CCC
Most couples have disagreements. We can have gloriously happy, connected marriages and still disagree. No matter how well-matched a couple may be, the fact is that we’re separate people who have experienced life differently and can interpret situations in ways that don’t always align.
Hashing out an argument — while irritating — can actually strengthen your bond. If we didn’t care, we wouldn’t engage. Numerous studies have been conducted, notably those conducted by the Gottman Institute, which showed that it isn’t if a couple fights that affects the impact on their marriage, but rather how they fight.
After 40 years of research, Drs. John and Julie Gottman found that, with the right approach, a significant number of conflicts can be resolved happily. Drs. Gottman offer the following tips for having a good fight:
How a conversation starts is usually how it will end. Starting a conversation with a harsh tone will usually lead to criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.
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