How to Help a Child Simply Not Doing Anything

QYour recent article, in which you described a teenage boy with minor ADHD issues, his lack of accomplishments and the ensuing embarrassment the parent feels, had me riveted. This

describes my son Dovid. I’m not embarrassed of my son, nor frustrated with him. Instead, I deal with guilt, helplessness, and frustration over my inability to help my son. It’s my job as a parent to assist him in actualizing his full potential, but I’m at a loss how to do this. He has borderline ADHD, borderline learning difficulties, and borderline social issues, all negligible enough not to respond to intervention, but when all combined, make up a picture as you described — a child simply not doing anything.

How does one help such a child? We’ve done years of therapy, but when focusing on the ADHD, the learning difficulties were neglected. When focusing on the learning, the social deficit was neglected, etc. Traditional therapies don’t help because there are so many little things that make up the big picture, and there’s not one clear diagnosis. I’m in a lot of pain and distress over this. Can you help?

AYou’ve realized — after years of trying all sorts of interventions — that you can’t help your son. That’s huge. And devastating. After all you’ve done, the young man isn’t ready for adulthood and isn’t even showing signs of getting there. What you call your helplessness is also clearly fear for his future. What will happen to him? What will become of him as his peers move forward on their “normal” trajectory of learning, marriage, family, responsibility?