Let Me Help You Not Do That

Neither children nor adults behave appropriately all the time. In fact, our own behavior can accidentally encourage the poor behavior of others. For instance, if you let your spouse routinely forget to make arrangements for date night, then your spouse will forget more often.

Why We Squirm Out of Things

Avoidance of unpleasant tasks is natural. It’s as if we’re saying: Paperwork? Maybe later. Clean up the mess, make the phone calls, fill out the forms — not if I can help it! Maybe if I wait long enough, you’ll do it and I’ll never have to deal with it.

We’re more likely to think this way when we have a complicit partner. If this person’s nagging will eventually become more painful than the task itself, we might, at that point, do the task. Or, if for the price of a few minutes of criticism, we can just get away with doing or not doing whatever we want, then “it’s totally worth it!” Forget the relationship damage that ensues.

Unfair

Here’s an advanced round of the game in which a spouse both nags and allows a partner to get away without doing the task. (This move works equally well between a parent and child.)