When your children are distressed, give them the greatest gift— your support
“When you were a child, who was there for you when you were in distress?” is a question that many therapists ask their clients.
Many clients respond that no one was there to support them emotionally. Although they may have had parents and siblings, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, teachers, rebbeim, and mentors, no one was really there for them — at least they saw it that way — and they had to stuff their pain away.
The most mildly affected numbed their feelings and lost touch with themselves. Others ate their troubles away. Some starved themselves so as not to feel anything. Some turned to substances, obsessions, or distractions. Some became depressed, anxious, or angry as they tried to cope with feelings that could not be expressed or released. Others somatized, turning emotion into physical pain and illness: headaches, stomach issues, and weakened immune systems. Unprocessed emotions can wreak havoc on a person’s life.
Interestingly, trauma isn’t necessary in order to experience the strong negative effect of lack of support. Regular childhood struggles can also cause suppression of emotions if no one was there to support the child.
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