Is My Therapist Right? Or My Mentor?  

Moderated by Faigy Peritzman

After several years of marriage, I realized it was time to reach out for help. Shanah rishonah had been great, but over the years and with each successive child, things had spiraled rapidly out of control. The tension and negativity in our home had become unbearable.

I began seeing an excellent marriage coach/mentor. Propelled by a strong drive to make things better, I really invested myself into grueling inner work.  After  a few months, my  mentor referred me to a professional therapist to help me pinpoint my challenges.

I immediately connected well with my therapist, and slowly but surely, I began to see progress… on my end. My husband also agreed to see a therapist, but after a year, although he claims he sees progress, I don’t see much of it in our daily relationship. My therapist suggested couples therapy, but my husband is adamant that it’s enough that we are each seeing our own personal therapists — he doesn’t see a need for more.

I’ve stayed in touch with my mentor all this time, speaking with her on a weekly basis for moral support. I often review issues with her that I work on in therapy as well. Lately, though, my mentor expressed concern that my therapist’s approach to marriage isn’t completely aligned with the Torah way, despite the fact that she’s a frum woman.