Research has shown that money is the number-one topic couples fight over
Abby Delouya RMFT-CCC, CPTT
It’s incredible how often Hashem orchestrates “opposites” in shidduchim. She’s neat, organized, and stressed by mess; he’s laid-back, sometimes forgetful, and doesn’t see mess. He’s extroverted, always the life of the kiddush; and she counts the minutes until that hour at night when everything is silent and she’s alone.
Then there’s the biggie: money. He sticks to a budget, likes to plan for the future, and thinks twice before spending; and she has a hard time budgeting and buys things on a whim. Research has shown that money is the number-one topic couples fight over.
Our childhoods deeply influence our financial outlook. Was money a sore spot? Did money have enormous value? People can either mimic their childhood financial environment or, just as frequently, rebel against it. Mom never let you have chocolate milk because it was a luxury? Chocolate milk may become your favorite drink as an adult. Restaurants or takeout was a once-a-year splurge? It might be a weekly indulgence for your mental health.
This is one of the reasons why money issues can be such a hot (and fiery) topic in marriage; when something has an emotional imprint — especially a painful imprint — from childhood, we feel a need to protect ourselves and our approach even more.
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