More than You’ll Ever Know

There is a machlokes haposkim about what to have in mind while lighting the menorah. Some say to have in mind the neis of the pach hashemen. Others say to have in mind the neis of the milchamah. I hope I’m still yotzei this year, because it is unlikely I will have anything on my mind other than my brother-in-law Yitzy Sutofsky a”h.

The first time I met Yitzy was years before his sister became my wife (perks of marrying your neighbor).  At the time, I worked in a local day camp in Pittsburgh, where he was a second grade camper. Fun, energetic, and a real baal middos, Yitzy was every counselor’s dream. As he got older, this became only truer, as nothing makes life easier than when the best kid on the court is a mensch, allowing everyone to grow and shine. I was impressed with Yitzy as a camper, but our interactions were limited to the few summers I spent back in Pittsburgh. They stopped altogether when I left for yeshivah in Eretz Yisrael the summer after 12th grade, but three summers ago I got engaged to Yitzy’s sister Chaya, and as the newly minted brother-in-law, it was on me to become as much of a part of the family as I could. That’s how I found myself at the pizza store, several Little League games, and even in Hershey Park with Yitzy.

As the months went by, I came to know Yitzy not just as a geshmake kid with a killer fastball, but as an aspiring bar mitzvah bochur who knew how to be serious as well. He openly admired the rosh kollel and other talmidei chachamim, he loved to learn, and he davened with the fire and purity only children know. In my wedding video, you can see him shuckeling in the front, eyes closed, during the chuppah, pouring out his heart to Hashem for the brand new chassan and kallah.

Almost a week after our wedding, Yitzy started feeling something weird in his throat. Though he tested negative for strep and just about everything else, the feeling got worse and worse, progressing into a headache and constant ear ringing. Finally, about three months after our wedding and four months before his bar mitzvah, we received the devastating news: Yitzy was diagnosed with cancer. The ensuing months were a roller-coaster ride of ups and downs. Yitzy had some very difficult moments of incessant nausea and pain, and it was near impossible to watch his health deteriorate as the former Little League MVP was confined to the couch. When he lost his hair, the whole family felt as though we had lost a limb, and our hearts broke every time he asked us to look away while he adjusted his hat. Aside from this, there was of course the constant worry and fear, both from Yitzy and from us.