In the case of being afraid of your kids going off the derech, this means that the frightened parent holds an unreasonable and unfounded panic about the child’s ability to face disappointment or other negative feelings without giving up his or her religion.
Off-the-derech-fear is characterized by a panicky feeling that anything a parent says or does could cause a child to go off the derech.
Just like with some phobias, this exaggerated fear is sourced in an element of truth because sometimes, the unhappiness of a child may lead the youngster to veer from the proper path.
However, the very definition of phobia includes the term “exaggerated fear” — a fear disproportionate to the actual statistical likelihood of the feared event occurring, or disproportionate to the intensity of harm anticipated as a result of the event occurring. In the case of being afraid of your kids going off the derech, this means that the frightened parent holds an unreasonable and unfounded panic about the child’s ability to face disappointment or other negative feelings without giving up his or her religion. In severe cases, the parent afraid of their kids going off the derech is afraid to say no to her child, fearing that the disappointment will cause the child to go off the derech.
Off-the-derech fear often occurs as a result of failure to understand what actually causes a child or adult to go off the derech. It also arises out of a false notion that parents can prevent their children from going off the derech by keeping them happy. In fact, there are many possible contributors to a teenager’s or adult’s decision to leave the Torah way of life — all of which make a difference in individual cases through interaction with a person’s biology and psychosocial history.
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