Party Poopers Submit Their Questions 

Illustrations by Esti Friedman Saposh

Chanukah, O’ Chanukah. It’s funny how the holiday of vanquishing materialism brought us here to… lavish parties and piles of gifts. Plus (unrelated to the mesorah of Chanukah but very much related to our general mesorah), all the worry, guilt, and kvetches we like to busy ourselves with for no real reason. (Party poopers submit their questions.)

My mother has been leaving the full-price tags on the gifts she gives us since the beginning of time (I specify full price because that’s absolutely not what she pays), and honestly, we find it to be an adorable quirk. My new sister-in-law, however, could not mask her horror when she opened the generic shiny silver gift bag (no tissue paper or anything) that contained a Shmurrberry plaid wool scarf, but no gift receipt. How can we explain to her that the joy of Mommy Finding Metziahs is worth more than the metziah itself?

Let her learn the hard way that if she shares her opinion (with her husband, of course — real men don’t let their wives complain to their mothers-in-law) about gifts on sale, gifts you can’t return, or gifts in any capacity, she will lose any and all future gift-receiving opportunities. Now it comes down to whether or not she’s deliberately trying to lose that privilege, in which case, well played.

We’re old-fashioned stock, and that means we spend the last day of Chanukah vacation with a nice pen and a stack of classy personalized thank-you cards, forcing — I mean encouraging — our kids to write thank-you notes in cursive to anyone they’ve received gifts from. If Great-Aunt Bella took the time to send you a dollar bill tucked into the embroidered menorah sweater of a teddy bear, you take the time to send her a note back! We’re right, right?

You’re… definitely something. We have nothing bad to say about people who impart values of gratitude and thoughtfulness to their children. And the best way to impart those values, truly, is by bribing them. Add a few more dollars to that teddy’s sweater and watch them do exactly as you please.

My husband got me a really… creative gift this year: a selection of cookbooks and a bundle of 20 cooking lessons (the “Back to Basics” package). He also got a six-month subscription of homemade challah that he bought from my next-door neighbor, who doesn’t even have a challah-selling business. Is he trying to tell me something?

Nope! His love language is obviously acts of service. Lucky you!