Perfect Match

In 1996, Mendy got married, and was soon the proud father of twin boys. But a few years later, Mendy began to feel unwell. Medical tests revealed a double shock: Not only had Mendy been born with only one kidney, but his kidney function had deteriorated so badly that he would need a transplant.

The news shook us. Our biological father had undergone two failed kidney transplants and ultimately passed away from complications. My mother had donated a kidney to our biological father and so was unable to donate one to Mendy (although she begged the doctors to let her go on dialysis and take her remaining kidney). But I was a perfect match. There are six criteria used to determine a donor’s eligibility, and I was six for six.

I was thrilled that my brother wouldn’t have to wait for a kidney, but I was also terrified. By the time my father had gone into the hospital, it was too late to biopsy his kidney, so no one ever knew exactly what his diagnosis was; now my brother seemed to have the same issues. What if the mysterious kidney condition was genetic? What if I gave Mendy my kidney and then I needed a kidney one day? Ultimately, the decision was taken out of my hands — the transplant team, knowing that Mendy would likely need another transplant in his lifetime, preferred to find another donor now and keep me “in reserve.” My maternal uncle was tested and was found to be a sufficient match.

Baruch Hashem, the surgery was successful. Mendy and I spent the next 20 years joking that I was “on deck” for the next transplant. In fact, the very first thing I told my wife when we met was that I was going to give my kidney to my brother should he ever need one. Coming from a close-knit family herself, she was very supportive, and since my brother was doing well, we both put the thought out of our heads. (Okay, she put it out of her head; I thought about it often.)