The difference between shyness and social anxiety is on the inside
ONthe outside, the socially anxious child, teen, or adult may simply appear to be shy or introverted, meaning they prefer to interact with a small number of familiar people or to stay home. A shy youngster may not speak much in a setting with “new” people. Although an introvert may be able to perform quite well socially, they’d really rather go home to pursue personal interests and activities. They’re drained by socializing.
A socially anxious person may have both these characteristics — they may be quiet and have a desire to go home. The difference between the socially anxious person and the shy or introverted one is on the inside, where it can’t be observed by onlookers. That’s why professional assessment is needed to differentiate between the conditions.
The socially anxious youngster or grownup has a very noisy brain. While interacting with others, they’re also listening to a voice in their head. This voice is a critical, judgmental one rather than a helpful guide. “Don’t say that, they’ll think it’s dumb,” “She probably thinks you look weird,” “He doesn’t like you,” “Stand up straight,” “They’re not interested in what you have to say,” “Well, that was a boring comment!”
It’s difficult to listen to two people talking at once. Try it yourself sometime: ask one person to tell you a story while standing on your left side and another one to tell you a different story while standing on your right. You’re likely to have trouble following either story.
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