The Inner Enemy

Words can hurt, especially when they come from someone who’s supposed to love us, respect us, or otherwise be on our side.

“My brother made a sarcastic remark about me at the dinner table. I’m used to that kind of stuff coming from him. What threw me off completely was that my sister-in-law said nothing in my defense. That really hurt. She obviously didn’t disagree, but wouldn’t have made the remark to my face like he did. Why didn’t I see this before? She’s clearly never been a true friend,” says Bracha.

Did Bracha’s sister-in-law cause this deep and disturbing pain?

While it might seem that way, a closer look can reveal deeper dynamics. Consider the possibility, for example, that insults don’t invariably cause pain. When we’re insulted by a delirious person on the street, we’re not likely to feel rejected or hurt. We know their words are meaningless, and so we usually discard them. The only time  this kind of insult could cause pain would be if the remark actually hit home.