Resentment

Couples may come together originally because of their alignment on the big things — their take on spirituality, life goals, values, and dreams —but they forge forward on the details, the mundane matters of daily living.

“My husband and I work really well together. He makes the cholent, and I do the side dishes. He does the shopping and I do the cooking. We’re a team,” says one woman.

There’s so much to do in running a home. The teamwork involved fosters mutual respect and affection. But what happens when a person feels that his or her spouse isn’t a team player?

“My parents had a traditional division of labor, and I expected that I’d do the same. But that isn’t how it’s worked out. It started out innocently. My wife told me that she thinks it’s important for today’s fathers to be more ‘hands-on’ with the kids. So I ended up doing bath and bedtime for all of our eight kids. My wife isn’t a morning person, so I also ended up doing all the morning carpools. She doesn’t like schlepping packages, so I usually pick up the groceries on the way home from work. Everything piled up gradually, but now, after all these years, I feel like I’ve been taken advantage of. What does she do all day? As far as I can see, she goes clothes shopping. At this point, I’m really resentful,” says an aggrieved husband.