Spouses are flawed by design
Shiffy: I can never tell Yoni my problems because he’s so unsympathetic. I know he doesn’t like emotionality, but I have feelings! I need a supportive husband.
Chaya (Shiffy’s best friend): It sounds so hard, Shiffy. But Yoni is a good guy. A lot of men aren’t great at giving emotional support. But he learns, he makes a good living, he’s trustworthy and honest, and he’s a great father, right? And you’ve told me a million times how he never gets angry, how he’s so appreciative and thoughtful. So even if he isn’t the most sensitive and understanding when it comes to feelings, you have other supportive people in your life.
Shiffy: You don’t understand, Chaya. This is the one thing that I need the most. I need him to “get” me. Without that, nothing else matters.
It’s funny how this works. A spouse can have a million things going for them, but “the one thing” that is most needed seems to be missing. There are two possible explanations for this phenomenon. One is that the missing item isn’t truly “the one thing.” For instance, if Shiffy were to get divorced, she would probably be careful to select a new marriage partner who definitely would be able to provide “the one thing” that was missing in her first marriage. But in all likelihood, this second spouse would have a different flaw that would now rate as “the one thing” that’s missing in her new marriage. In other words, something important will be missing from every marriage, and every spouse will experience the phenomenon of “the one missing thing” that feels like the only thing that really matters.
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