The Ones Who Turn You Down

What’s it like when your job is to turn others down? Meet the “rejectors” and hear their thoughts on the heavy toll of the role

Every time you hear a “no,” there’s a person who has to say it. A human being who goes to sleep at night thinking about all the people they’re forced to disappoint. What’s it like for them? What’s the weight of that responsibility — and how do they hold it? 

Chaim L., tuition committee member:

Every school near, nearly 80 percent of the families apply for a break. Most of them get some discount, but it’s not usually the amount they’re asking for.

There’s a formula we use, which accounts for family size, income, number of kids at home — all based on the average cost of living in our community. It’s somewhat formulaic, but we need to be very human. The numbers give us a basis for the discussion, yet we also make space to account for any extraordinary circumstances. Do they have a child with special needs who accounts for more than the usual per child expenses? Did they just have major storm damage — and need to shell out tens of thousands on out-of-pocket repairs? Is someone in the family sick, which means the parents are busier than usual and not earning as much as they once did?

At the end of the day, though, the numbers alone tell you a lot. We once had two families with three kids each, who were both pulling in around $100,000 in income a year. One said they could afford $15,000 in tuition and the other requested to pay only $8,000.

There were no other extenuating circumstances that either mentioned, so why was there such a big difference in their means?