The Shivah 

Everyone said freedom felt so good, but to me it felt heavy. Yes, I could fly, but my wings felt broken.

I wonder if Shaindy will ever feel like she could fly again. I wonder if she’ll ever belly laugh, ever do the chesed that brings her so much joy, ever have a memory that isn’t tinged with the savage longing I know so well.

I used to have these questions about myself, all day every day, right after my world ripped into two all those months ago.

I never wanted to have them again, but here I am, having them for Shaindy.