Expressing feelings without getting defensive leads to healing
W ife: You never consider my feelings.
Husband: I never consider your feelings? That’s a good one! When was the last time you considered my feelings?
We humans are a defensive bunch. It’s hard for us to hear criticism from others because our fragile sense of self tends to panic. What if he/she’s right? What if I really am a terrible person?
Entertaining the notion that we may be unworthy human beings is akin to spiritual death. Similarly when we feel diminished by another person’s negative feedback the painful shrinking feeling we experience is a tiny bit of soul death — and a huge threat that we’ll be completely extinguished if we let this go on. Therefore we bring out the army to shoot down the offending attacker.
Overreaction
Husband: How many times have I asked you to shut this drawer properly? It’s going to break and I’m not paying for a replacement drawer!
