Unaccompanied Minors

Q:

My kids, ages six and eight, are scared to go to different parts of my house themselves. Whenever they need to go to a different floor of the house for any reason, they ask someone (either my husband or me, or sometimes even my two-year-old) to come with them. Many times, it’s tiring and inconvenient for me and my husband to follow them wherever they need to go. Can you provide me with practical tips on how to get them to feel comfortable with being by themselves in any part of my house?

A:

I wouldn’t assume this is an issue with “being comfortable with being themselves in any part of the house.” Rather, it’s more likely a form of the common anxiety that small kids feel when they are alone or temporarily separated from their parents. When kids with this issue are a bit older, as yours are, we might also suspect the presence of some anxious genes. However, a diagnosis (and professional intervention) would only be necessary if the problem persists after you’ve tried some simple parenting strategies with no resolution of the problem.

As they mature, most kids naturally become confident moving around their house on their own. But no amount of “telling” the kids about their competence will help. The children have to “survive” the independent journey to another room in order for their brains to register a feeling of mastery.

Fortunately, a step-by-step process can be intentionally utilized for helping anxious children develop the confidence they need to roam about their homes independently. Here’s how you can use it with your own two children.

Tell your children that they’re now big enough to go to all the rooms in the house on their own. Tell them you’re going to help them learn how it’s done, using small steps.