Is my husband controlling? Is my wife demanding? It all depends on the bottom line
Controlling or demanding behavior in a marriage can destroy the relationship. Therefore, it’s important to understand what controlling or demanding behavior is, and with this clarity, avoid becoming either a victim or a perpetrator of these behaviors.
“Controlling” refers to exerting power. If, for example, a husband is in charge of the family finances, he controls expenses and income. His wife may be totally fine with this arrangement, happy to hand him the headache and the stress of making ends meet. In this case, although the husband controls the finances, she is a full partner in creating and maintaining that division of labor in their marriage. The husband is not “controlling” just because he’s in control of the money.
The situation is completely different when the wife in the above scenario is not in agreement with the husband’s directive role in their finances but is powerless to prevent it. In that case, he can be considered to be controlling.
A person might want to be controlling, but may be unable to exert the necessary control. For example, a mother may control how many cookies her small child gets to eat. The child may wish to control that issue but can’t since he can’t reach the cookie jar. Nonetheless, he can insist on having cookies all day long. He is “demanding,” but not controlling. Similarly, a spouse can be demanding. For example, a wife doesn’t like her husband’s beard and tells him to shave it off. He refuses to do so. She can’t make him do it; she’s demanding but unable to be controlling.
Create a free account to keep reading.
