Up to Date

There’s another advantage to this system, she explains. “When I network with other shadchanim, I’m not limited. I can let them close the shidduch and they can earn shadchanus. This makes them more inclined to work openly with me.” This optimizes Mrs. Gruman’s relationships with other shadchanim and her reach is broadened.

“I’m always working,” said Mrs. Gruman. “At home, when I travel. I’m always meeting with people and speaking to people about L.A. shidduchim.” To get an idea of just how much shidduchim are on her mind, she relayed how she once received a text that said, “I’m looking for a boy who plays guitar and can run a kumzitz.” Mrs. Gruman’s first thought was, “this mother has gone too far.” Only a few minutes later, she realized the text came from a friend who deals in kiruv and was trying to organize a Melaveh Malkah.

Ultimately, the L.A. initiative hopes to differentiate further by assembling and assigning shadchanim with specialized lists, including those who are searching for longer than their peers, older singles, or perhaps those with handicaps.

For L.A. girls, living at the opposite end of the country from the East Coast, distance is admittedly an inhibiting factor. It’s a given that girls will go into New York for the first round of dates with a prospective shidduch. After that the boy comes into L.A. and, like in Toronto, he may get community support, at times helping him fly in, rent a car, and putting him up appropriately. But Mrs. Gruman finds that harder than the distance is getting the “yes” from a boy’s mother. “They’re inundated. It’s a challenge for everyone.”