We Have a Weight Problem

The absolute last thing I ever wanted to discuss in a public forum is body size, weight stigma, fat-shaming, and body image. This is the most sensitive, painful, and raw area of my life, and I’m a private person. But I couldn’t stay silent any longer.

Family legend has it that I was a very tiny infant who wasn’t growing well. My mother tells the story, saying that she davened for me to grow up to be big and strong. The joke is too obvious; someone always says it: “I guess you davened too hard!”

I wasn’t tiny for long. I became a fat toddler and a fat elementary school kid. I was fat in middle and high school, I was fat in seminary, I was fat in shidduchim. And now I’m married and I’m still fat. It’s important to understand that I’m not using fat as a derogatory word. It’s simply a neutral statement to describe my size — the same way you’d describe someone as skinny, tall, short, or blonde.

I have a lifetime of traumatic moments of being scolded, shamed, and treated differently because of my size. I could write an entire book about it. But we aren’t here to talk about my stories — we’re here to talk about our society.