“I’m Worried…What Will We Talk about on Date Night?”

Rabbi Shafier,

Thank you for laying down the law in regard to date night. I absolutely understand and agree with everything you wrote about how important it is. But I’m worried. Even if I make time for date night — what will we talk about?

I feel like I’m still fairly newly wed — married for four years, two kids — but I can’t remember the last time we went out. I can’t remember the last time we spoke about something other than kids, bills, or work. I was sure that being a good wife — keeping the house clean, the kids well tended, and having dinner ready just the way he likes it — would be enough to make our marriage flourish. But you’re right, it isn’t enough.

It’s not like we’re doing anything wrong, but we also aren’t doing anything right to create a marriage that is a relationship of friendship, love, and respect. And I know that’s the most surefire way to make sure the most precious things we have — our children — will grow up secure, happy, and healthy.

We do spend some time together on Shabbos, when the kids go to sleep early, but I’m assuming that spending time together on Shabbos does not count as date night.