Parting Pointers 

For the last 16 weeks, Mishpacha has given me the privilege of exploring on these pages some of the most common issues couples struggle with, and of sharing some basic tools and ideas that can lead to happier, stronger, more fulfilling marriages. As this column comes to a close, permit me to put out some of the myths, misconceptions, and mistaken beliefs that often accompany even stable marriages, and the realignment of these beliefs that I’ve found has helped many couples.

Myth

If we both have good middos and are completely aligned in our hashkafos, we’ll surely have a good marriage.

Fact

While it’s true that good middos are essential, unless a couple maintains a strong bond of love, they will either bicker or drift apart until they deeply resent each other — at which point all the fine middos in the world won’t help them live in peace and harmony. Each one will eventually feel victimized and misunderstood, and not even someone with “amazing middos” can put up with that feeling for the long term without the household suffering.

Myth

If we devote time toward our marriage, it will take time away from our children.