How Can I Not Feel Resentful When He Contributes So Little?

Written with Zivia Reischer

Rabbi Shafier,

Thank you for your column.

My husband is a good guy. He tries to spend time with the kids, he learns, he davens with a minyan, and he certainly supports us, but I feel he does nothing for me. I spend my day cleaning, cooking, and taking care of the house, and he just comes home and acts like a visitor. Even on Shabbos, he barely helps. I hate to admit but it bothers me so much that I find myself lashing out at him. How can I not feel resentful when he contributes so little?

A woman once asked me a similar question

She said to me, “My husband does nothing for me. He’s a good provider, he’s responsible, but he does nothing around the house. I take care of everything. It’s like he checks in at night and checks back out in the morning. I get nothing from him.”

“Okay,” I said. “You live in a house, a very nice one, in fact, right?”