“Can My Brother Dictate Which Books My Kids Bring on Family Vacations?”

Question

Over the summer, we often spend time at my parents’ vacation home along with one of my siblings, who has become more chassidish and is raising his family in a way that is more sheltered than mine. He asked that I take his standards into consideration during this shared vacation time and only bring along books or toys that he would allow his children to be exposed to. Is this even fair? It’s not like we raise our children in a way that is anti-Torah…. And it’s not his own home!

Answer

Please forgive me if I address this question from a relationship perspective rather than a chinuch one.

You ask about rights and fairness. You’re also concerned with how you’re perceived, and you want to be validated that the way you raise your children is not “anti-Torah.”

Let’s try to work this through. I’m going to assume that not only are you raising your children in a Torah environment, but that you expend enormous resources, financial and otherwise, to do so. You pay tuition to send them to good schools and camps. Your children probably don’t have Internet access at home, and if they do, you most certainly have a serious filter to try to protect them.

All that being said, your sibling may have set higher standards for his family to safeguard values that are important to him. We can all accept that even in a loving, united family, different  members may hold themselves and their children to different standards.