“We need to provide some kind of framework for the many who cannot just fit into the mainstream system”
MY nephew is a teen at risk. He dropped out of yeshivah a while ago and experiments with interesting clothing and haircuts, (and probably some illicit substances as well). Lately, he’s begun hanging out at a more relaxed yeshivah. It gives teens like him a place where they can feel a sense of belonging, have fun, and hopefully experience some growth as well.
Baruch Hashem, my own children are learning in mainstream institutions, but one of my sons has been making comments about his cousin’s chilled lifestyle and the way he’s given a pass to enjoy whatever makes him happy. I wonder, is our community’s embrace of teens at risk perhaps making this route more attractive for boys who want to opt for this easier, more relaxed way of life?
Thank you for raising this very important and sensitive question. Thirty-four years ago, I came to Harav Hagaon Rav Elazar Menachem Man Shach ztz”l, gadol hador of that generation, with this very question. I was considering opening a yeshivah that deviated from the classic mold, and would offer vocational workshops in the afternoon in place of second seder. My rebbi , Harav Shlomo Wolbe ztz”ll , said that such a question required the depth and breadth of a gadol with 90 years of vision and experience. I asked Rabbi Naftali Kaplan shlita, Rav Moshe Hillel Hirsch shlita, as well as the late Rav Dovid Heksher ztz”l, present-day giants who were already highly respected by Rav Shach and Klal Yisrael 34 years ago, to join me in presenting the question.
There were two meetings and many deliberations before Rav Shach ruled that the school should be opened. He explained his reasoning with the following observation. “Until now, if a boy wasn’t doing well at home and yeshivah, and left for the street, it would only be a matter of a week or two until he came back, humbled and ready to figure things out. Now,” said Rav Shach, 34 years ago(!), “if a boy is not finding his place, he can disappear for three months and no one will even know where he is and if he is alive.”
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