T he perfect decision is one that works for both spouses.
When a person lives by herself she gets to decide everything. It’s up to her whether she stays up past midnight buys ten pairs of shoes leaves her dishes in the sink or makes any other lifestyle choice. Her choices are just between her and Hashem. But when she’s living with a spouse her freedom to decide is compromised.
“My husband has all these ‘rules’ he imposes: There must be two clean towels hanging on the shower rack all the time dishes can’t be left in the drainer nothing should be left on the kitchen counter and on and on. He cites all this as if it were in the Torah. I have my own ways of doing things. I really don’t feel I have to become a whole different person just because I married him.”
She’s right of course. But if she doesn’t change then he’ll have to — either the counters will be clear or they won’t. So how does a couple decide who will have to give up and give in?
