Say It Straight  

Lucky for me, I live on an amazing cul-de-sac where all the neighbors have become like family. We are there for each other in a very real way. When, baruch Hashem, one of us makes a chasunah, we do a neighborhood sheva brachos.

My neighbor just announced the engagement of her third child in a year and a half. And, yeah, everyone is thrilled for her, but we’re also a little tired. I am the cruise director of the block, and while I’m generally happy to organize these simchahs, this time, I’m coming up against some burnout. No one is volunteering to do anything. I feel so bad for this kallah; I don’t want her to feel like no one cares.

Simchos by Klal Yisrael!

WE say it, we mean it, and sometimes, we’re a little overwhelmed along with the gratitude. The reaction of the block is totally understandable. At the risk of sounding like a broken record, I want to remind us all that we’re capable of holding several emotions simultaneously. I used to say two emotions, but sometimes, it’s many emotions all at once.

I am sure that the neighbors are thrilled for your friend. I assume that each of them is juggling a complicated life, and that it’s not always possible to participate the way they’d like. I am also going to go out on a limb and wonder if this is painful for some of them.

Whatever the case may be, the people have spoken. It’s time to call in the professionals. They say the cheapest way to pay for anything is with money. It may be time to post on the group chat that for this particular simchah, you will be purchasing the food… or better yet, reserving the restaurant. You may even enlist the services of a party planner. Post a budget that itemizes the expenses with a per-person fee at the end. If that doesn’t get your chat pinging with offers to bring angel hair pasta with pistachio salmon, then you will know everyone is really fried and it’s time to go a new route.

As for the kallah, perhaps you can enlist someone to add some personal touches like menu cards, a themed gift for the couple, or a poem/grammen to show that this simchah actually did matter to the hosts. And, of course, warm memories of the kallah as a child and moving divrei brachah can make her feel as special as your homemade three-tier mousse.