“My Son’s Rebbi Is Too Serious”

The Question

Many teachers these days are new age mechanchim, and they do an amazing job reaching today’s children at their level in a more “chill” way. I understand that it’s the new normal, and I see the upside — my kids love school. This year, however, my son has a rebbi who is the opposite: serious, with no shtick whatsoever. My son can’t handle it. He’s miserable. Is there anything I can do to salvage the year? And what should I do for my next sons, who will likely eventually have this rebbi or one like him?

Rabbi Ari Schonfeld

Many types of mechanchim can be successful teachers and reach your child. Don’t allow your bias to influence your child; rather encourage and foster a warm relationship to set your child up for success.

Iwant to begin by setting the record straight. I do not buy in to the notion that our wonderful mechanchim reach today’s children in a more “chill” way. That sounds like saying, “My child loves school because his teacher does nothing but give extra recess and raffle off prizes all day.”

The “new age” rebbeim (or menahelim, some may even suggest) who are incredible mechanchim don’t reach their talmidim because they’re “chill or cool.” They reach them because they understand them and care about them. Among my incredible staff of rebbeim, some are younger and more up-to-date. (They may even make jokes using certain numerical values anywhere between “six and seven” or end off a personal story with a T4.) Others are from a different dor, or from a different mindset. Some have tons of shtick. Others not as much. But the commonality that binds them is their burning and genuine care for not only the subjects they teach, but for the objects as well.

Now to the matter at hand. Your son is struggling with a rebbi he doesn’t easily connect with. His style of classroom management and teaching does not resonate well with your child. Here are two things I would suggest you not do, and one thing I implore you to do.

The do-nots: Do not allow your critical view to become the narrative at home. The more that you as a parent criticize a rebbi or a teacher, the further away from success your child will wander. And the other: Do not call up the teacher with your ideas of how to make the classroom more exciting. From a practical perspective, and from my experience, it will not be well received.