Square Pegs

Conformity can be a good thing. For example, it can make it easier for us to fit in socially and do what we’re supposed to do. This can smooth the path through life. Doing what everyone else is doing also removes a lot of unnecessary and exhausting thinking. “What field should I go into after seminary? Should I be an inventor, a marine biologist, an astronaut? Or should I just go into speech therapy like my friends are doing? Yeah, I think speech therapy sounds good.”

Conformity makes the norms very clear. When everyone is wearing the same few colors and styles, they know they “belong” to a particular group. Similarity in one aspect, like clothing, invites similarity in every other aspect, such as speech patterns, thought patterns, even behavioral patterns. The more similarity found in a group, the more secure every member of the group feels. Uniformity bonds people, strengthening both relationships and the sense of self.

So what happens when a person won’t — or can’t — conform?

Outside the Box

“My son isn’t like the boys in his class. At recess, they like to kick a ball around and the class hero is the one who can kick it best. Ari is an introverted, soft-spoken, ‘artsy’ kid. He likes to draw at recess or maybe read a book. He doesn’t join in with the other boys. They used to mock him but now they just ignore him. I feel terrible for him because he doesn’t have any close friends,” says one mother.