As Shlomo Hamelech said “There is a time for everything.” Although there is a time to be sad sadness is not one of our favorite feelings.
All feelings have “signal value” meaning they are there to guide our behavior. Anxious feelings for instance guide us to be vigilant for signs of danger. If we never felt those feelings we wouldn’t take necessary precautions and would thereby expose ourselves to risk. Think of what can happen when a young person isn’t sufficiently anxious in the presence of a predator. Similarly anger signals the need to take action to set boundaries to correct a wrong. What does sadness signal? What is its purpose?
A Time to Mourn
Sadness signals the need for healing. Whereas anger arouses us and energizes us to take strong steps sadness makes us want to go to bed and stay there. Fear increases our alertness and causes us to take action to protect ourselves but sadness brings us to a halt. Confusion and distress prompt us to search for answers to seek relief but sadness makes us retreat into ourselves to withdraw from the world and everyone in it.
In other words sadness tells us to stop what we are doing and nurse our wounds. Like the physical pain of a bodily injury sadness is the aching of a broken heart. Brain scans show that both physical and emotional pain affect the same areas of the brain — the anterior insula and the anterior cingulate cortex both of which trigger a corresponding activation in the peripheral nervous system. Like physical pain emotional pain literally hurts. And just as a physical injury requires rest for its repair the hurting heart requires rest for its healing.
