As parents we hear a lot of “How come we’re the only ones who…” But guess what? You’re not the only ones. It’s normal
I’m a mother in my thirties. I have a bunch of little ones close in age, bli ayin hara, and I work part-time. Although I don’t have much time to socialize, I keenly feel the lack of close friends. I keep up with a few friends from my high school and single days, but we all live in different places, and while I cherish the relationships, it doesn’t fill the void of not having a friend living nearby. (Besides which, it’s hard to find the time to speak on the phone.)
When I had one or two kids and lived elsewhere, I had a few good friends in my neighborhood. Although we were busy with our newborns and toddlers, we found the time to get together; we used to spend Shabbos afternoons in each other’s apartments or feed our children supper together in the park.
Five years ago we moved to another city, and I still haven’t found someone I’d call a good friend. I find that women my age and in my stage in life are so busy, they just don’t prioritize friendships and won’t find the time to cultivate a new one. I do have many acquaintances, baruch Hashem; I chat with them when I see them, we make kimpeturin meals for each other, borrow things from each other, etc. Our family has also hosted and been guests at Shabbos meals. But none of these exchanges have led to what I consider actual friendships.
I’d love a friend or two I could meet up with for coffee during the week, or to go shopping with. On long Shabbos afternoons, I get many knocks on the door for my kids, but I find the day so lonely for me. It’s awkward for me to go over to someone’s house to visit with all my little ones in tow, and besides, Shabbos afternoons, when women are busy with their families, is not a practical time to develop a real friendship.
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