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M
y husband and I moved with our family a few years ago from a big city to a smaller, “in-between” type of out-of-town community. It’s in-between in that it’s big enough to have its own frum infrastructure (i.e. we don’t have to send our kids away for quality chinuch), but small enough that we pretty much know everyone — if not very well, at least by name or face.
This leads to a sticky situation. I have a houseful of daughters, which means that my friends or neighbors are teaching my kids, and as a high school teacher, I end up teaching my good friends’ daughters as well. Often this isn’t a big deal, provided all goes well and no issues arise during the year. It’s a very normal part of life for us all — we do carpool with the principal, we bump into the math or navi teacher at the pediatrician.
The reality, though, is that sometimes challenging situations crop up. Obviously, we don’t all “get lucky” with each child every year in terms of teachers and dynamics. As with any other school situation, there can be run-ins with teachers or hanhalah. Once it was a dear friend who was very upset with me that her daughter was disciplined for cutting my class, another time it was me feeling very hurt by a friend’s attitude toward one of my kids — her student at the time — who was struggling terribly.
I know intellectually that “business” and “pleasure” should best remain separate, and as friends, we need to keep communication open and try to draw lines separating our friendship and our children. But we’re human, and ultimately, as much as we try to separate “business” and “pleasure,” it’s still very difficult to schmooze over coffee with someone who is causing or has caused (whether well intentioned or not, inadvertently or not) your child pain.
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