Help your teens ride the roller coaster of life
O
ne difference between you and your teenage children is that you know more than they do. You know this and they don’t which is just one example of this fact. But there are others: You know that life has its ups and downs. You know that everyone suffers and that your own situation while unique in its details has been and will be experienced by many others. You know that support is available. You know that things can change and that sometimes great patience is required.
In other words you know through longer life experience that there is either light at the end of the tunnel or there is another tunnel. But your teens are too young to have experienced these truths. Often they feel completely alone in their pain and their struggles. When they look at others they see smiling faces not broken hearts; the optics lead them to believe that their own confusion insecurity hurt and anger are freakish. They hide in shame. They certainly don’t tell you about it.
Adolescence is a particularly hard time in life because of the na?vet? vulnerability and lack of information characteristic of people in this age group. Consider for example a 14-year-old who has suffered from the conflict he’s witnessed “forever” between his parents. In addition he experiences humiliation in school and doesn’t get along with his siblings. Of course he has happy times as well — which only makes it harder for him to explain why he usually feels smothered in dense dark smog. And he can’t speak to anyone about it.
Unprocessed Feeling
The problem for this teen and others like him is that unnamed feelings eventually become overwhelming. Unfortunately teens (like adults) often discover the temporary relief offered by a multitude of numbing strategies: disordered eating reliance on pain relievers use of alcohol or drugs excessive shopping or study — indeed any compulsive or addictive activity that increases the pool of good-feeling chemistry while blocking access to inner stress.
