Acknowledging feelings strengthens your bond
P
hysical abuse and emotional neglect are often lumped together as causes of childhood trauma. While it’s easy to understand why physical abuse would cause developmental problems it’s harder to understand the effects of emotional neglect. And yet the very reason why physical abuse is so destructive is because it’s a form of emotional neglect.
Physical injury in and of itself does not necessarily cause trauma especially when it’s not life-threatening. For example falling off a bicycle while learning to ride is rarely traumatic despite the scratches and bruises that may result. Similarly falling down a flight of stairs — providing no serious injury occurs — may cause temporary pain and suffering without causing lasting trauma.
Being pushed down the stairs by an angry parent on the other hand is very likely to result in lasting emotional injury. The inherent lack of care sensitivity and protection is what causes the trauma — not the physical aches and pains.
Failing to Connect
Human beings in general and children in particular are emotionally sensitive. Spouses can hurt each other by being “cold.” Parents hurt children by conveying disapproval and rejection. However — and here’s where emotional neglect comes in — they can also hurt children by simply failing to connect to them emotionally.
