Dear Classmate

Dear Classmate,

I can’t forget the uncomfortable feeling I had at a wedding I attended a few months ago. I knew the kallah from camp, so I popped in to say mazel tov. There were only a handful of people dispersed throughout the large ballroom, and when the dancing started, the circle was glaringly small. Many of the kallah’s friends had already married and moved on in life. I couldn’t help but feel pity that the celebration was so small for an occasion so big.

That first classmate’s wedding we all attended was thrilling: Seeing friends and acquaintances we no longer saw every day. Learning to balance in our newly purchased heels. Stumbling over the words of the tefillos the crowd says during the chuppah. Dancing the night away. Coming home with aching feet. Giggling about the night’s adventures. Rehashing what everyone was wearing and who did the best shtick during “kaitzad merakdim.”

Time passed, and the novelty faded a little. We no longer returned the response cards promptly. We’d more or less perfected the heel balancing act, and we could practically say the chuppah tefillos by heart. We didn’t fawn over the sheitel-wearers anymore because they were no longer the minority.

And we started to think, it’s kind of inconvenient to rearrange my schedule, leaving work early so I can once again blow my hair, apply my makeup, and stand in line at the kabbalas panim, waiting to give a mazel tov that feels like it gets swept away amidst the countless others. Does the kallah even notice I’m there? Does it make such a difference if I miss the chuppah and only come for dancing? Or if I don’t make it at all?