How can I, as a parent, best advocate for my son’s therapy?

The Question

My son is in therapy for anxiety, but his rebbi and menahel, who are very skilled mechanchim, are a bit old-school. I worry they don’t have the trust in professionals or the patience for the lengthy therapy process. How can I, as a parent, best advocate for my son so that his school experiences help his progress, not hinder it?

Rabbi Yerachmiel Garfield

With respect and trust, a partnership can be forged that becomes a bridge through which concerns are shared, ideas are exchanged, and solutions can be developed — together

Parents who hope to positively impact their children’s chinuch must build a strong foundation and collaborative relationship with the mechanchim. There is no alternative way. Period.

Just as effective parenting begins with the firm belief that a child wants to succeed and is doing his best, so too, effective collaboration with educators begins with the belief that they genuinely want to help your child thrive. Mechanchim are deeply committed and hardworking, and care immensely about their talmidim. When a parent approaches with respect and trust, it opens the door for a true partnership. This relationship becomes the bridge through which concerns can be shared, ideas exchanged, and solutions developed together.

This relationship can be most strained when the parents’ understanding of what their child needs doesn’t fully align with the approach of the mechanech or menahel, but it is then that it is most critical to maintain a posture of mutual respect. That doesn’t mean avoiding important conversations — it means having them in a constructive tone.

In a situation like this one, it may be most productive to focus on specific behaviors and classroom strategies rather than on clinical terms. Words like “diagnosis,” “anxiety,” or “therapist” can sometimes trigger resistance. Instead, try discussing practical supports: “what helps her stay focused,” or “what tends to calm him when he’s overwhelmed.”