Justice

But we ourselves do it on a daily basis, especially with our loved ones.

Take this example: “My nine-year-old daughter is pretty nasty to her siblings, who she claims I favor over her,” says one mother. “I’ll give you an example of her paranoid thinking: This morning she was reading a book in the family room and her seven-year-old brother — a real sweetheart — decided to also read a book in the chair near her. She doesn’t like the way he breathes, so she told him to go sit somewhere else. He rightfully pointed out that he’s allowed to sit in that chair if he wants to. She started hysterically screaming at him. She’s always screaming at him. Anyway, when I heard the noise, I came and told her that she could easily have solved the problem by getting up and moving away from him. Then she started screaming at ME about how unfair I am and how I like her brother more than I like her!”

In this example, we see that Mom thinks her daughter is “paranoid” for feeling rejected in favor of a sibling. But is she paranoid? Mom already has a negative perception of her daughter before this specific incident occurs — we can discern this through her choice of words. In her short description of the problem, Mom describes her daughter as “nasty,” “paranoid,” and “always screaming” at her brother. On the other hand, Mom describes her young son as “a real sweetheart.”

Obviously, the previous reputation of these two children precedes them — and colors Mom’s judgment of the current situation. In fact, if the brother is always being screamed at, he knows exactly how his sister feels about him sitting close to her. Yet in a house with many rooms and many chairs, he chooses to read his book right next to his sister, understanding full well that she won’t appreciate this. Then he innocently claims his right to sit there when she protests. He also knows how this will end: Mom will come to his rescue. Yes, Sister will be the one who has to move! Gotcha again!