Meeting Your Match

So Chilled

My friend told me to stop calling shadchanim. She heard you’re not supposed to do hishtadlus in shidduchim, and your chassan comes when he’s supposed to. Is that true?

Everything in life comes from Above when it’s supposed to. Yet a person is required to do hishtadlus, which means responsibly working through natural channels and not relying on miracles.

The Gra is widely rumored to have said that there is no need for hishtadlus in shidduchim. The actual quote is, “In vain is a person’s toil when it concerns shidduchim, as it is all from Hashem.” This is explained practically in different ways.

Prayer is crucial no matter what we hope to accomplish. Rav Elya Weintraub explains that regarding shidduchim, it is even more necessary and should be a person’s main focus.

Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, Rav Elyashiv, and Rav Chaim Kanievsky all understood the Gra to mean one does have to do hishtadlus, but you can do less here than you would in other areas.