Queen of a Stick

I would never be able to fashion my husband into the man I had hoped to marry, a man focused on serving Hashem and being a family man. But I could be his friend. And maybe, he would be mine

As told to Leah Gebber

Last month my ninth and youngest child got married. We accompanied her to the chuppah where her chassan — a fine man a mensch — waited and something inside me burst open.

I’ve never told my story but I felt that the time had come.

There’s a reason I never shared before: it was too hard. I had to keep my story shut inside me tight. Controlled. If I took it out and examined it if I grieved and was aggrieved then I was afraid I’d be unable to continue.

But now it’s time. And it’s a sweet triumph for me that all my children are married that they are all building Torah homes of their own. It’s a vindication of the years when I kept my feelings locked inside when I was mevater and strong. The years when I was queen of a stick.