We love a good cheshbon hanefesh. And, we’ll admit it; this time we submitted our own questions
I feel like I spent this whole year hearing what was going on in my friends’ and siblings’ lives way after the action already went down. I wish my friends and family would just fill me in quickly, but I found out that Yanky got a new job when he got promoted nine months in, for Pete’s sake, and I only knew that the Schwartzes were selling their house when the new neighbors knocked on my door to ask to borrow some toothpaste (gross, keep it). My goals for this year are to be in the hock center instead of on the periphery, maybe even cause some hock of my own. How can I improve?
We’re sorry to have to tell you, but the key to staying in the know is simple: staying on the top of other people’s minds. It’s hard work. It’s a job. In fact, it’s a full-time job. Quit whatever else you have going on and devote your days to making sure that the people in your life know you’re there.
If you haven’t started each day with “Hiiiiii, what’s new with you?” to at least 15 of your nearest and dearest, consider the whole week a failure. You got this; those “Send this out to ten people in the next ten minutes or else” chain emails in the 90s were nothing but training for this very endeavor. As far as causing your own hock is concerned, quitting your job to devote your life to keeping up with your friends will probably solve that problem, too.
I didn’t get enough metzios this year. My sister is always showing me now-defunct Amazon links for things she got within a five-minute seller’s posting mistake window, and I probably missed three sets of $350 JFK-TLV tickets that everyone else chapped arein. How can I maximize my spending on things I absolutely don’t need but can’t turn down because it’s just such a great price?
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