Q

While many people in my field choose to freelance, I’ve always known that I didn’t want to do that. I’m not a hustler, and I prefer a steady stream of work and a steady paycheck. So I was thrilled to land a job working with a small local firm with a niche specialty that really appealed to me, a great team, and excellent growth opportunities.

Everything seemed perfect, until I realized what a difficult person my boss was. I don’t just mean that she’s demanding; I really wonder if maybe she’s unwell. She’s exacting and can blow up if a project isn’t executed exactly the way she wants it. But despite her strong, sometimes overbearing personality, she also seems incredibly insecure. Although I think that the team does really great work and has a lot to be proud of — the boss seems to feel the need to prove our worth to anyone who will listen. Unfortunately, the way she does so is by blasting the competition. There have been quite a few times when she’s mocked or denigrated our competition when meeting with a client — leaving everyone very uncomfortable. Another sign of her insecurity is that she’s extremely worried that we staffers are conspiring to steal her business or her clients — to the extent that she’ll grill someone after a friendly phone call with a client, demanding to know every detail of what was said and reminding us frequently about our noncompete agreements. I have literally no interest in ever starting a business (which is why I’m working for her!), but she’s accused me of trying to do so, and even asked other coworkers about me when I’m not around. Her moods and tirades have negatively affected the entire office environment.

It’s such a shame, because this firm has so much potential. I have no personal investment in this company anymore; I was just offered another job and am going to give notice here. I’m not the only one — two of my coworkers also plan to leave. (I shudder to think what this will do for her paranoia). And really, much as she’s made my life so difficult this past year, I feel worse for her. She really is a powerhouse and an incredibly talented strategist, but she might lose it all through her paranoia and lack of confidence. Is there any way I can convince her to go for help? Or does she need to realize on her own that she has a problem?

A

When we work with — or live with — intensely disturbed people, we, along with all those who share the working or living environment, suffer. We see how the disturbed person creates chaos. We see how she treads on the feelings of others. We experience the discomfort, anxiety, and rage that her actions provoke. It’s clear to us that her drama, besides being unacceptable, is irrational, destructive, and completely unnecessary.