Top Five Ways Guys Say, “I Don’t Know.”

G

ender stereotypes always worry me. Sure, some may exist, but even if they get a smirk or a laugh, there’s a good chance they’ll get you in trouble. Still, there is one persistent stereotype that seems to particularly afflict men in the Jewish community — they don’t know how to say “I don’t know.” I’m not sure if the primary issue is difficulty enunciating the actual words, or maybe it’s because there are so many other great substitutes to say instead. It seems like any time I ask for someone’s opinion on something, they take out their Swiss Army knife of options for a non-response — the straightforward “I don’t know” doesn’t seem to be one of the choices. For those looking for more solutions, here are my top five ways guys say “I don’t know.”

Tzarich Iyun

Like Rabi Akiva Eiger’s “tzarich iyun v’Hashem yair einai — the matter requires study, G-d should enlighten my eyes,” there is no response that has been more embraced by the yeshivah world. Some would actually consider it an answer unto itself. A friend of mine, a self-described happy cynic, told me a classic story in two parts about the use of “I don’t know” in the beis medrash:

Part one: Someone once came to the Rebbe Reb Zisha because his deceased father came to him in a dream telling him he didn’t have peace in the Next World. Reb Zisha told him to look in the coffin: There he would find a piece of avodah zarah causing the disturbance. The man checked and, in fact, there it was. He later repeated this miraculous discovery to the Vilna Gaon, who responded, “It’s not a miracle — it’s an explicit Gemara Yerushalmi.” The man, shocked that this was in fact an explicit Gemara, returned back to Reb Zisha who modestly said, “I didn’t know the Yerushalmi, but I knew it from where the Yerushalmi knew it.”

Part two: A yeshivah student with a question once approached his rosh yeshivah, who responded, “Someone else already asked me this question and I answered him.” The bochur went to the other student to find out what the rosh yeshivah answered. The other student said, “The rosh yeshivah just told me, ‘I don’t know.’ ” When Rav Yankel Drillman heard this story, he explained that it must be this rosh yeshivah holds like the explicit Gemara that says the answer “I don’t know” is also considered an answer. But, Rav Drillman wryly added, “Perhaps the rosh yeshivah didn’t know this Gemara, but maybe he knew it from where the Gemara knew it.”