When Emotions Feel Too Big

When Emotions Feel Too Big

Esther Goldstein LCSW

Emotions ebb and flow. Each of us has a different perception and awareness of our own feelings. Some of us may feel nothing — dead to emotions. Others feel that they could explode at the drop of a hat, and most of us land somewhere in between.

Different seasons and particular circumstances trigger larger emotions. And throwing fits or spiraling into uncontrollable crying isn’t considered “acceptable” behavior. So what do we do? How do we deal with intense emotions that flood our entire being?

Here are some tips to navigate emotions that feel larger than life:

1. Unconditional Acceptance
   While the world may tell us our rage, terror, or crippling despair is unacceptable, we need to wrap our arms around those feelings with compassion and unconditional acceptance. Emotions aren’t good or bad, they just exist, often as flags pointing to something deeper. Have gratitude to your body for letting you know something is off. Notice the sensations coming up. Breathe into the tension and try to visualize oxygen moving to the areas that need attention. As you breathe, create space for yourself to feel, give yourself permission to be just as you are.
2. Name the Feeling
   Often, with intensity comes a sense of chaos or loss of control. Pause and listen to what’s happening within. Notice every feeling that’s emerging, identifying and naming what’s bubbling up. If needed, use a helpful tool like the “feelings wheel.” Don’t deny it, or try to talk yourself out of emotion. Don’t judge. Nuance and complexity and simplicity are all welcome.
3. Acknowledge That Emotions Aren’t Forever
   Feelings are stored and felt in our body, and our mind isn’t always caught up. Regardless of what we feel in the moment, “this too shall pass.” Feelings often follow actions. Try to act in light of the truth you know, not the feeling you feel. If possible, recall examples of times you felt like something was permanent but it wasn’t. Tap into your logical brain and practice speaking truth to yourself: This feeling is here to guide me to something deeper; I won’t always feel like this.
4. Get Curious

Emotions are here to tell a story. Wonder about what’s beneath the surface, see if something needs attention that’s been ignored. You may need to have that uncomfortable conversation you’ve been avoiding. When we let emotions communicate a need, we can make a change. This will almost always help lessen the intensity of the emotion.